Random Fact Explosion III

• Bubblewrap was invented by Sir Walter Bubblewrap in 1612.
• The boiling temperature of marmite is 100000 degrees Celsius.
• Dolphins can smell disappointment.
• In the event of a Nuclear Holocaust the only life forms that would survive would be cockroaches, amoebas and Keith Richards.
• In 2006 a new element was discovered and added to the periodic table. Called Gothium it's properties include dressing in black, writing poetry and staying inside listening to godawful music.
• Camels have no anus. It isn't fat they store in those humps- when there is no room left inside, they expire.
  
• There is a small village in an island in the Pacific where Barry Chuckle is worshipped as God. The neighbouring village believes that is Paul Chuckle who is in fact divine. They are engaged in a bitter and long-running war that has cost thousands of lives.
• You really can't get better than a Kwik-Fit fitter.
• Due to Global Warming Bjork is melting by up to 10cm a year.
  

Random Fact Explosion II

• The Queen of England owns all the Swans in the Kingdom, but Prince Charles owns all the ducks. Some believe he is ammasing a private ducky-army to take the crown by force.
• After you have eaten exactly 100,645,798,901 1/2 Pringles, you are actually able to stop.
• In 1892 Queen Victoria breifly changed the name of Wales to "Sheep" for a bet.
• Marmite is illegal. You can be imprisoned for up to 6 years for posession.
• The only sound that can be hard from space is the voice of Brian Blessed.
• There is more money down the back of Bill Gates' sofa than the entire GNP of western Europe.
• Ant and Dec actually swapped names in 2003 and nobody noticed.
• According to Emochick689's myspace page the new My Chemical Romance Album is 'awesome'.
• Monkeys have got it going on.
  
• Colin Farrell can swear at more than 356 mph.
• In 2005 the world's first eyebrow transplant was sucessfully conducted in South Africa. The patient Eugene Bleck said "I finally feel complete".
  

Random Fact Explosion

• For one week in 1872, due to a clerical error the British Empire was at war with a goat.
  
• There are no chairs in Mexico.
• Yaks see in Beige.
• The 20th October every year is David Hasselhoff day in Germany. The shops are shut and people decorate a Hoff tree.
• The Funniest word in the English language is "Flaps". This was decided by a committee of scientists in 1923.
• If you eat one hundred and twenty six donuts you will become immortal. Too many or few can be fatal.
• Monkeys love to wear hats.
• Before 2000, there was no such place as New Zealand. It was built for the filming of the Lord Of The Rings trilogy.
• Phobohoborobophobia is the fear of people who have a fear of robotic tramps. This is quite a rare condition.
• Kangaroos can't fart.
  
• A popular chain of themepubs opened last year called Bar Nun, staffed by Monks and Nuns. The bouncers are all ordained as priests, so you can be forgiven when they throw you out.
• Saddam Hussein subscribed to Heat magazine, but considers Now magazine to be tacky and cheap.
• Eskimos have twelve words for party.

One of these 'facts' isn't actually made up. Do you know which one it is?

Want to write for the Ministry?: Email MOM[at]monkeypiratezombie.co.uk for details.

Further Wacky Laws and Bylaws of the World

• In Gloucestershire, England It is legal to behead a Welshman if you find him in your garden after midnight.
• It is illegal to drive a vehicle under the influence of cheese, according to a new EU ruling.
• In Belgium the maximum number of nipples a person may have by law is two. A 2000 Euro fine is applied to anybody found to be in possession of additional nipples.
• In Ohio, it is illegal to dress up monkeys in human outfits. The maximum penalty is death.
• Clowns are illegal in China. 14,0007 clowns were executed in 2005.
• In North Korea, it is illegal to quote 'Team America'.
• In New Zealand it is illegal to kill a Hobbit, dwarf or even an Orc.
• You must obtain a license to grew a mullet in Arkansas.
  

Game over man!

With Silent Hill doing good box office, other video game movies are in the pipeline. Here are a few we've heard about.....

• Pacman Begins. Jimmy Pacman is a hardnosed NYPD cop, who faces off against the 'Ghost' criminal gang. Following a personal tragedy Jimmy turns to pills, and finds himself with an urge to chow down on the Ghosts.
• Minesweeper. Tough drama set in Bosnia, following a master unexploded mine disposal expert and his team.
  
• Bubble Bobble. Matrix eat your heart our- forget bullet-time: introducing Bubble-time for exciting (but family friendly) action sequences. Follows the brothers Bub and Bob who get turned into bubble-blowing dinosaurs. In an unconventional piece of casting, they will be played by Mary-Kate and Ashley.
• Pong. Thrilling and fast spaced sports movie, set in the world of tennis.
• The Godfather. Highly original New-York Mafia based crime movie based on this year's hit PS2/PC/Xbox videogame
  

Fascinating facts about Burkina Faso

• Burkina Faso is a small nation in Western Africa, found to the North of Ghana
• It gained independence form France in 1960. It was formally known as Upper Volta. This is officially the coolest two names any one nation has had.
• It's in Africa so it probably has monkeys. In zoos at the very least. To be honest I couldn't be arsed to do much research for this one. I just like the name. It's fun to say out loud. Go on, try it if you don't believe me. BURKINAAA FASSSOO!! Oh yeah. It sounds like it could be a character in Star Wars, don't you think? Or a great name for an Indie band.
  
• It probably doesn't have weasels. It sounds too cool for that. I really don't have any evidence to back any of this up.
• None of this matters, because the name is so damn cool. Just look at it, take it in. I'm going to go now and just leave you with this...BURKINA FASO.
  

Fascinating facts about the Moon

• The moon orbits 384,400 km from the Earth, and has a mass of 7.35e22 kg.
  

• The first moon landing was on July 20th 1969. this year was chosen so schoolboys would have no problems remembering it.
  

• The moon effects things here on earth- it has power over tides, ladies’ monthly cycles and the price of stamps.
  

• Historically it has been known as Luna, Selene and Artimis,before being named after the late Keith Moon, former drummer in the Who. Until being ‘liberated’ by America, it was part of the British Empire and known as New Essex.
  

• No monkey has ever visited the moon, so you probably shouldn’t bother either.
  

• The Moon orbits the Earth, but is little known the Moon is in turn is orbited by the Moon’s Moon. In 2015 NASA is sending a team of midgets to discover if this is orbited by the Moon’s Moon’s Moon.
  

• It was once believed the surface was made of Cheese, when in fact it one hundred percent milk chocolate.
  

Exclusive!

MOM has been able to obtain the official specs for Sony's much awaited Playstation 3 Console, expected for release in 2006....

• The PlayStation 3 will feature the technically advanced Cell processor, which will run at 3.2GHz, giving the whole system 2.18 teraflops of overall performance
• No . I don't know what that means either.
  
• The graphics will actually be slightly more realistic than real life.
• It will run the new format Blu-Ray discs as well as, DVD, CD, vinyl and bagels.
• It will be more than a games console, it will also function as a DVD player, net browser robot and time machine.
  
• The patented 'Amigo' chip will allow it to become your new best friend so you need never leave the house again.
  
• The discs will be edible so when you finish a game they double as a tasty snack.
• It will smell of flowers and be purr like a kitten so ladies will want one too.
• It won't use rudimentary tools. You are thinking of monkeys.
  

Spotted!

In a feeble effort to boost my popularity, I am cashing in on the boom in celebrity magazines like Heat, Closer and I want to kill myself or whatever the hell they're called. Here is an exlusive extract- every celeb rag worth it's salt needs a section where readers can say what celebs they've seen. (click image to make readable)

Man I hate the word 'celeb'. If I use it again, please shoot me.